Mondays always seem to be "crazy" (forgive the irreverent use of the term). The clients rarely no show, refill requests abound, there are too many prior authorization requests to count and I can barely manage to remember how to check my voicemail (again). But the week before Thanksgiving was a special treat.
My head was spinning by midday and I was still without coffee in my system. Trying to maintain my composure with clients, I attempted to work on my breathing as I walked to the waiting room to acquire my next case. Oh, I forgot to mention... I am the lucky inheritor of 200+ client caseload. So I have a 20 minute-ish medication check-in appointment to do my own brief overall diagnostic assessment and psychopharm evaluation while trying to desperately cram in rapport building.
That all said, I love my practice and the people in it, especially my boss, the director of services. They are all hugely supportive and so I feel free to openly express how frazzled I am. "Is it just me or does it feel like a full moon?" I off-handedly remark to a therapy clinician I pass in the hall. She responds with a sigh and a knowing smile, "Feels like it, but no, its just the holiday. They get like this. Folks cancel their therapy because they are freaking out and want all their refills - which makes no sense at all". So I knew I wasn't alone. This wasn't a case of the new grad vs. the world.
With a bit of deep breathing and a protein bar hidden in my desk, I made it through the day. I was a wreck.
I nearly sprinted out of the building to my car and called that friend. You know, the one who listened to all your woes and sorrows through school even if they didn't understand exactly what you were going through. The one who always seemed to know what to say, even if they didn't know what counter-transference was. "You survived, right? Maybe even helped some people? Then you're fine".
I did survive and yes, I maybe even did some good. Its seems its not others' expectations I have to worry about... It is keeping my own in check.